Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize