yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
