Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
