Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
