She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize