Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
