ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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