Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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