i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
