Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
