either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
