I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
