Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
