guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
