Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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