No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
