she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
