I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
