I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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