she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
