what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
