ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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