JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
