i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
