i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
