I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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