i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
