haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
