Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
