i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
