Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
