What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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