the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
