lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
