Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
