I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
