why didn't you poke me back
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
