i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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