I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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