omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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