it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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