Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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