He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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