You don't have asthma, your pregnant
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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