he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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