Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
