Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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