If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
