Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
