How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
