How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
