i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
