Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
