your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We need a shit load of segways right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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