I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
