I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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