my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
