i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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