Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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