I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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