Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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