And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
