her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize