she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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