Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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