Your dad touched me again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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