and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
