just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
