What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
