I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
