I wish you could order shots online.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
