I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
