I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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