i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you didnt know i had herpes?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
