babies were throwing up all over the place
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
