it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
