I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
