Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
