Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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