Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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