Betty ford says i'm here all night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
