It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
