: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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