Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
