sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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